Journal Archives
2/22/00 New Sponsor: VALIS System 2000
I've developed the
VALIS 2000 System (patent pending). Ron Popeil himself is itching to
get his hands on it, but I'll make it available to you guys for a mere
$19.95.
Yes, that's right. I said $19.95. Don't be confused by imitations sold
elsewhere for over a hundred bucks; insist on The VALIS 2000 System
(Patent Pending).
What do you get for your small one-time investment? Well, you get a
handsome 3X5 Opaque Device (Tm) made of only the finest wood pulp cut
from virgin forests in the Northwest. Each Opaque Device(tm) in The
VALIS 2000 System (patent pending)is guaranteed to block 100% of all
photon-emitting cathode ray tube bursts that are intended to display
the unwanted Network Bug Logo.
But wait, there's more...
Also included is a month's supply of VALIS 2000 System (patent
pending) special CRT-specific Screen Adhesive(c). With this Wondrous
(and Included at No Extra Charge) addition, attaching the VALIS 2000
System (patent pending) Opaque Device(tm)to your television screen is
simple and painless.
But that's *still* not all!!!
Each VALIS 2000 System (patent pending) also comes with a handy TeeVee
Template(r) that makes finding the proper place to affix the Opaque
Device(tm) using the included Screen Adhesive(c) in the proper place
on your television screen. A different TeeVee Template(r) is included
for each of the six major television networks, totally eliminating the
guesswork.
With proper use of the VALIS 2000 System (patent pending), the Opaque
Device(tm), firmly affixed using the Screen Adhesive (c), will totally
block out those pesky network bugs.
Satisfaction guaranteed. Comes complete in a genuine leatherette
storage case suitable for framing.
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Last updated 12/17/01