August 22, 1996: The Humanity Book
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THOSE WHO MAY CARE August 22, 1996: The Humanity Book |
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* A recent personal experience *
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Last week I went to see Elvis Costello at the Beacon and experienced an
inspiring transaction with another member of the human race.
I sat down about 20 rows back and was contemplating whether or not I paid
the scalper too much for my ticket. The show started, I had a great view
and was beginning to think "I got a good deal." Sometime after the show
started, a couple came in late and sat behind me. They talked nonstop!
And to make matters worse, the woman had the most insidious nasal voice
(it cut through the air like an overhead jet). To top it off, she would
occasionally pause from discussing the most mundane aspects of her life
to scream out "Elveeeeees!"
There was a pause in the music and Mr. Costello began a little story.
The audience around me was 'Shush'ing others in order to hear the story.
This led to...
Woman: What are these people shushing for? THIS IS A CONCERT! You're
not supposed to be quiet here!
Me (turning around in frustration): Yes. Yes you are.
Woman/Boyfriend: WHAAT? What's you problem? HOW RUDE! It isn't like
we're at Schubert or something.
Me: It's not exactly Def Leppard either.
Woman/Boyfriend: What a jerk! Yap .. Yap .. Yap [Naturally, they were
now more boisterous then before, except instead of talking about nothing,
they now talked about me.]
Me (fed up, turning around again): Look! How much coke did you guys do
before you came here tonight?
Them: We don't do drugs. No! We're drug free. Yeah! We don't need
drugs.
Me (to myself): Well. Their goes the only possible excuse. These people
are just naturally annoying.
Them: Huff .. Huff. I know what his problem is. He's just not capable
of listening to two things at once. Ha .. Ha.
This was about the end of it. Naturally, I was left thinking "Wait, I
think my problem is that I am capable of listening to two things at once!"
Fortunately, they left to "take a break" two songs later. I ended up
moving to the front, so I don't know if they ever came back.
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* Beer Winners. Beer Losers (Guys .. We suck). *
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The five following states had the highest per capita consumption
(in gallons) of Malt Beverages for 1994:
Nevada (35.1), New Hampshire (31.0), D.C. (28.7), Texas (28.3),
Wisconsin (28.3).
The lowest per capita consumers of beer were:
Utah (28.3), New York (17.8), Connecticut (17.9), New Jersey (18.9).
Source: What's Brewing
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* Thou shalt not .. uh .. kill? Dang! I always forget that one. *
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In July in Dadeville, Alabama, Mr. Gabel Taylor, 38, who had just
prevailed in an informal Bible-quoting contest, was shot to death by the
loser.
Source: News of the Weird
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* THOSE WHO MAY CARE |\__ --- ___/| MOO THINKS: *
* \-- 0 0\--/ *
* ____ =====================/ \ "I've lost all faith *
* // --//'''''''''''''''''''' _ oo | in the human race." *
* __// // / \_/\_/ - Anon (song) *
* //~~~ | | '' *
* {} | _ _ __________ / *
* || || \ / || || *
* || || ||| || || *
* || || ''' || || *
* [] [] [] [] - Alex P *
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* Note: THIS IS BEST READ USING A COURIER FONT OF 10 PT. As a courtesy, *
* any forwarded piece of this mailing should, at a minimum, include the *
* appropriate section header and the entire "Moo" section at the bottom. *
* TWMC info can be found on the Web @ "http://pw2.netcom.com/~axleplus" *
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