June 19, 1997: Rabid Drunk Ladies
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THOSE WHO MAY CARE
June 19, 1997: Rabid Drunk Ladies |
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* You really have to try to picture this for the full effect *
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Ms. Carmen LaBrecque, of Salem, Massachusetts, had to outrun a rabid
skunk, which was literally snapping at her heels, for (what must have
seemed like an eternal) 15 minutes while waiting for animal control to
finally arrive and shoot the poor creature. Unable to slow down long
enough to even open her front door and get inside, LaBrecque circled her
yard 12 times, always about a foot or two in front of the skunk. On one
pass by her front door, LaBrecque's elderly mother tossed her a cellular
phone, which LaBrecque pantingly used to call 911.
Source: Salem Evening News
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* Advice for the Women-Folk *
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"Sex sells cars, sex sells cigarettes, sex sells beer," points out Karen
Salmansohn, a former advertising executive, in How To Get Ahead In
Business Without A Penis a new title aimed at working women. "Why
shouldn't it also be true that sex sells a business report, sex sells a
business deal, sex sells a raise?"
Her key strategies include sporting a canyon-deep cleavage at the office
and always speaking sweetly on the phone. "I am recommending flirting
one's way to the top," comes her clarion call. "Everybody benefits. A
man can feel like a stud-muffin. And a woman can get her dollar-for-a-
man's-dollar salary."
Salmansohn's hints for mobilizing one's feminine wiles have proved popular
in the US, where her book is a bestseller. "While a man is busy thinking
about you giving him head, you can be getting ahead," she chirrups. To
this end, get pretty: work out in the gym and stock up on Donna Karan suits.
Source: The Independent (Hester Lacey)
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* Top Ten Signs You've got a Drinking Problem *
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10. You wake up naked on the floor, with a strange boy in your bed
[you=male+hetero, move to # 1].
09. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
08. Job interfering with your drinking.
07. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
06. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
05. You can focus better with one eye closed.
04. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you
fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
03. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
02. You walk out of the bar and rays of sunshine slap your face with a
hard dose of reality.
01. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past
you.
Source: M. Hoyer via S. Parris
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* MOO THINKS: ' |\___ ---___/| THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
* ' \--/0 0 --/ *
* "We can talk like we're ' / \===================____ *
* in love or talk like ' | oo ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\ *
* we're above it. We ' \_/\_/\ \\ \\_ *
* can talk and talk and ' '' | | ~~~\\ *
* talk until we talk ' \ _______ _ | {} *
* ourselves out of it." ' || || \ /|| || *
* ' || || ||| || || *
* -Declan McManus ' || || ''' || || *
* ' [] [] [] [] APOULOS *
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