This is my buddy cop script about two detectives who assist the ATF in tracking down a ruthless cult leader only to uncover a massive conspiracy to crush gun control.   Frankly, even though the story is pretty good, the characters are whats really fun about this one.   Anyway, who the hell remembers the plot to Lethal Weapon? Gordy and LaRoy

WARNING: This material is copyrighted © 1995 by Tom Alexander.    Plagiarism of any kind will result in prosecution.    Enjoy!


                          GORDY AND LaROY
                                by
                           Tom Alexander

FADE IN:

EXT.  WILDERNESS COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

Lewis and Clarke could not have painted a more magnificent picture
of this heavenly virgin landscape; complete with a glowing sunset
that casts a brilliant mixture of orange and purple across rows
and rows of billowy clouds.

On a rocky bluff, silhouetted against the west sky, stands a
magnificent male deer.
                          
                          GORDY (V.O.)
                   (whispering)
             Ohhh, he's a beauty.  Twelve point at
             least.

EXT.  EDGE OF CLEARING - DAY

GORDON "GORDY" NEMETZ peers through his confederate field glasses
at the beautiful buck.  He stands in front of a group of men all
dressed in buckskins with raccoon hats.  CARL stands next to Gordy
and, cocking his flintlock, takes aim at the breathtaking
creature.
                          
                          GORDY
             I wouldn't, Carl.  You don't drop him
             where he stands we'll lose our light
             before we can find him.
                          
                          CARL
             Then I guess I won't miss.

Gordy looks through the field glasses as Carl FIRES.
                          
                          GORDY
             Damn!  Gut shot!

Gordy bolts toward where the deer was standing.

EXT.  RAVINE - DAY

Racing through the trees, Gordy sprints ahead leaving his  fellow
Buckskinners trailing behind.

EXT.  BLUFF - DAY

Gordy reaches the top of bluff and scans the forest.  He spots the
deer as it tops a ridge.  He takes aim with his flintlock and
FIRES.
                          
                          GORDY
             Yes!
                   (calling back to his
                    fellow Buckskinners)
             I got him.  Just on top of the ridge
             over there.

The other men see where Gordy is pointing and head off in that
direction.

Gordy looks at the dead deer through his field glasses.  He walks
forward but trips on the edge of the bluff and falls down a steep
drop.  His field glasses snag on a branch and stop his fall.
Unfortunately for Gordy, his arms and neck are so tangled up in
the strap that he is literally hanging himself.
                          
                          GORDY
                   (gasping)
             Helppp!  Helppp!

Gordy struggles with the strap like Houdini in a straight jacket.
He grabs an outcropping of rock, but the large stone pulls free of
the dirt and crashes down to the gully below.  Gordy looks at the
hole the rock left behind and freezes when he sees a rattlesnake
coil and ready to strike.

Gordy, hanging helpless, begins to black out when all of a sudden
BOOM, the rattlers head explodes.  He looks up and sees HANSON
with a smoking flintlock pistol.  Hanson bends down and struggles
to pull Gordy up to safety.

The two men, exhausted, lay on top of the bluff, gasping for air.
                          
                          GORDY
             Thanks, uh...
                          
                          HANSON
             Hanson.
                          
                          GORDY
             Hanson.
                          
                          HANSON
             Don't mention it.  Maybe you can
             return the favor some day.

EXT.  CAMP FIRE - NIGHT

Deer roasts over an open fire as the group of BUCKSKINNERS feast
on today's kill.  Hanson cuts off a piece of meat.
                          
                          HANSON
                   (tasting it)
             Not bad, Carl, for city folk.
                          
                          CARL
             You're welcome.  You boys have been
             right neighborly yourself.
                          
                          HANSON
             That was some shot.
                          
                          CARL
             Thank you.
                          
                          HANSON
             I was talking to Gordon.

The men LAUGH.
                          
                          GORDY
             Thanks.  And, uh thanks again for the
             help back there.

Gordy hands Hanson a large mule skinner knife with an intricately
hand-carved bone handle.
                          
                          GORDY
                   (continuing)
             I'd like you to have this.
                          
                          HANSON
             You don't need to do that.
                          
                          GORDY
             I know.
                          
                          HANSON
             You'd have done the same for me.
                          
                          GORDY
             Consider it a sign of appreciation.
                          
                          HANSON
             For what?  Doing the right thing?
                          
                          GORDY
             Something like that.

EXT.  CAMPSITE - EARLY MORNING

An eerie fog hangs in the air as morning dew gathers on the
leaves.  Drops of water splash on Gordy's face waking him up.  He
looks around the silent campsite and stops on the empty area where
Hanson was sleeping.  In the distance, he sights someone walking
away from the camp.
                          
                          GORDY
                   (whispering aloud)
             Hanson?

Hanson turns around and looks at Gordy through the mist filled
forest.  He turns back and continues to walk away from the camp.

Gordy is about to get up when he glimpses something move quickly
behind a tree.  Another SNAP of a twig causes him to jerk his head
around and catch something else move behind a tree.  Moving very
slowly, Gordy slips his hands over his nearby rifle.  SSSSITH, an
arrow shoots through the air and impales one of the sleeping
Buckskinners.
                          
                          GORDY
             Indians!

Pandemonium erupts as a small war party of Indians descends on the
group of Buckskinners.  The fighting is fierce and bloody as
arrows and flintlocks find their marks.  Hand-to-hand combat
ensues with tomahawks swinging and pistols FIRING.  The Indians
and Buckskinners manage to wipe each other out leaving only Gordy
left standing.

He goes over to a dead Indian and flips him over.  The Indian
springs to life and SMASHES a tomahawk over Gordy's skull.

FLASH

Gordy wakes up from his nightmare.  He looks around.  Some of the
other Buckskinners are still asleep while others are working on
breakfast.  Hanson has a skillet over the fire.
                          
                          HANSON
                   (to Gordy)
             How do you like your eggs?
                          
                          GORDY
                   (holding his head)
             Like my brain; scrambled.

EXT.  EDGE OF FOREST - DAY

The group of Buckskinners march through the forest and out into
the open where they see a parking lot in the distance with their
WIVES and KIDS waiting by cars and vans to pick them up.
                          
                          CARL
             Ah, civilization at last.
                          
                          BUCKSKINNER #1
             I feel like a hot shower.
                          
                          BUCKSKINNER #2
             I could use a cold beer.
                          
                          BUCKSKINNER #3
             My wife has tickets for Madonna
             tonight.
                          
                          BUCKSKINNER #2
             No shit?

Gordy walks along side Hanson while looking through his field
glasses.
                          
                          GORDY
             Uh-oh.
                          
                          HANSON
             What's the matter?  Wife not here to
             get you?
                          
                          GORDY
             No, she's here, but so's my partner.
             Which usually means trouble.
                          
                          HANSON
             Partner?  You a cop?
                          
                          GORDY
             Yeah.  Detective DPD.

Hanson laughs a peculiar OBNOXIOUS LAUGH and walks on ahead of
Gordy.  Gordy looks confused at Hanson's outburst and a bit taken
aback at the strange laugh.

EXT.  PARKING LOT - DAY

LINDA NEMETZ, Gordy's wife, cradles little BILL while the baby's
older brothers play cops and robbers around the car.  MIKE LAROY
leans against the car and instructs TODD and TOBY on the correct
way to apprehend a suspect.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Watch your corners.  Watch your
             corners.  Lead with your gun.

Toby jumps out from behind the car and the two boys start blasting
away at each other with toy guns.
                          
                          TOBY AND TODD
                   (still firing away)
             Eat lead, dirt bag.  Drop the gun or
             die, it's your choice.  Go ahead, make
             my day.  Police officer, freeze!
                          
                          LINDA
             Toby!  Todd!  Knock it off.
                          
                          TOBY AND TODD
             But mom...
                          
                          LINDA
             You heard me.

Although the kids are getting on Linda's nerves, it becomes
apparent that something else is stressing her out.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Yeah, better cool it, guys.

The two boys reluctantly lean against the car and mimic Mike's
stance.

The group of Buckskinners has reached the far end of the parking
lot where some of the families greet them.
                          
                          LINDA
             I need to talk to him for five minutes
             before you can have him.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
                   (sensing a problem)
             Sure.  Is everything okay...

Before Mike can finish his sentence Linda shoves little Bill into
Mike's arms.
                          
                          LINDA
             Five minutes.

Linda marches off towards Gordy.  Todd and Toby start to follow.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Hold it, boys.  I think you better sit
             this one out.

The boys resume their leaning position against the car.

Gordy meets his wife in the middle of the parking lot.  She is not
a happy person.
                          
                          GORDY
             Hey, hon, what's up?
                          
                          LINDA
             Remember that little problem we talked
             about?
                          
                          GORDY
             My weekend was fine.  And yours?
                          
                          LINDA
             Remember that little surgical
             procedure you were considering?
                          
                          GORDY
             Yeah, still thinking about it.
                          
                          LINDA
             Well you can stop thinking about it.
                          
                          GORDY
             I can?
                          
                          LINDA
             I'm pregnant... AGAIN!
                          
                          GORDY
             But... how?
                          
                          LINDA
             Gee, I don't know, mister "it doesn't
             feel as good with a rubber on."
                          
                          GORDY
             Well if you were still on the pill...

Bad answer.
                          
                          LINDA
             FUCK YOU, GORDY!  You try puking your
             guts out for the next six months and
             we'll see how you feel.

Linda lays into Gordy like a ton of bricks.

Near the volatile couple are some of the Buckskinners  changing
out of their stinky clothes.  They drink beer from an ice chest
and try not to look like they are eavesdropping.

Not so near is Mike, Toby, and Todd.  Although they can't
understand what she is saying, they watch as Linda goes ballistic.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             I don't think I'd give your mother
             anymore crap today, boys.
                          
                          TOBY
             No shit.

Linda still upset with Gordy.
                          
                          LINDA
             I've been on and off the pill since I
             was sixteen.  It's time for you to
             take some responsibility.  We've
             discussed this enough.  We can't
             afford anymore 'little surprises.'
             Now do something about it.
                          
                          GORDY
             But, babe, I'm afraid...
                          
                          LINDA
             Of what?  It's not like they're going
             to cut your balls off.

Carl and Hanson have joined the other inconspicuous Buckskinners
for a beer by the van.
                          
                          CARL
             Jeez, I thought she did that a long
             time ago, anyway.

The group laughs at Carl's quip.  Hanson really thinks it's funny
and laughs his distinctive OBNOXIOUS LAUGH.

The OBNOXIOUS LAUGH blows across the parking lot like a dead skunk
and slams into Mike LaRoy, igniting an intense memory.

Mike slowly raises his head and looks at the group of LAUGHING
men.  Because they are so far away and standing so close to each
other he cannot tell who has the obnoxious laugh.  Mike squints
his eyes and remembers.
                                             
                                             DISSOLVE TO:

EXT.  WAREHOUSE ROOF - NIGHT

Mike watches through a skylight and listens to a pair of
headphones.
                          
                          WALLY (V.O.)
             Remember, nobody makes a move until I
             give the signal.
                          
                          RETRO (V.O.)
             And then that's when I get my money.
                          
                          WALLY (V.O.)
             You'll get paid if the bust is clean.

A walkie talkie sitting next to Mike clicks on.
                          
                          WALKIE TALKIE
             We've got a white van approaching from
             the south entrance.

Mike TAPS the skylight and signals Wally.

INT.  WAREHOUSE DOCK - NIGHT

WALLY, an undercover cop, looks up at the skylight and gives Mike
the OK sign.  RETRO, a nervous stoolie, sucks on a cigarette and
continues to bitch.
                          
                          RETRO
             The deal was I deliver these wackos,
             you never said anything about it
             having to be a clean bust.
                          
                          WALLY
             It was implied.
                          
                          RETRO
             Bullshit.  What if you guys forget to
             read them their rights or something.
                          
                          WALLY
             Shut the fuck up!

HONK HONK sounds a horn from outside.  Wally walks over to the
roll-up door.
                          
                          WALLY
             Be cool.  You'll get your money.

Wally raises the door.
                          
                          RETRO
                   (muttering to himself)
             Cops!

A van pulls in and Wally closes the door behind them.  The van
door slides open and four black GANG BANGERS get out.

EXT.  WAREHOUSE ROOF - NIGHT

Mike watches the action through the skylight and radios in the
progress.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Four Bloods just got out.  No Mr.
             Big... wait a minute, Jamaal just got
             out, and he's got some white guy with
             him.
                          
                          WALKIE TALKIE
             Who is he?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Beats me.  Maybe the Bloods are trying
             to be an equal opportunity gang.

INT.  WAREHOUSE DOCK - NIGHT

JAMAAL, the gang leader, struts towards Wally and Retro with
attitude to spare.  The white guy next to him is a clean-shaven
Hanson, his appearance is quite different without his beard.  The
other four Gang Bangers form a semi-circle around the two.
                          
                          WALLY
                   (referring to HANSON)
             New member?

Hanson laughs his OBNOXIOUS LAUGH.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             Get real.  You got the stuff?
                          
                          WALLY
             Of course.  You got the money?
                          
                          JAMAAL
             Of course.
                          
                          WALLY
             Let's see it.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             You first.
                          
                          WALLY
                   (looking at Retro)
             What is this shit?  Did you set me up?
                          
                          RETRO
             No, man, he told me he'd have it.  I
             swear.

Jamaal smiles.
                          
                          WALLY
             Fuck you!  You ain't getting dick from
             me.

The four Gang Bangers go for their guns and aim them at Wally.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             I already got it, chump!

Jamaal is referring to a large wooden crate that is between him
and Wally.
                          
                          WALLY
             You don't actually think I'd be stupid
             enough to have the shit in here do
             you?

EXT.  WAREHOUSE ROOF - NIGHT

Mike is on pins and needles as he watches his partner's tense
situation.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
                   (on the walkie talkie)
             Nobody make a move.  Wally has got
             four automatics pointed right at him.

INT.  WAREHOUSE DOCK - NIGHT
                          
                          WALLY
             Who the hell do you think you're
             dealing with.  This shit don't grow on
             trees, pal.  And my friends don't take
             kindly to having their merchandise
             ripped off.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             I don't give a fuck about you or your
             friends.

Jamaal bristles with anger before gaining his composure.  He
signals for one of his men to get a briefcase from the van.
Jamaal takes the briefcase and places it on the large wooden crate
between him and Wally.  Jamaal opens the briefcase full of money.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             Forty thousand.
                          
                          WALLY
             Looks like I'm going to Disney Land.

Wally closes the briefcase and places it on the floor next to him.
Wally then reaches inside his jacket, slowly, as the four Gang
Bangers take aim.  He pulls out a crow bar and opens up the large
wooden crate.  The merchandise was inside after all.  Hanson walks
over and digs through the packing material until he finds a hand-
held military rocket launcher.
                          
                          WALLY
             Eight of them, just like you ordered.
                          
                          HANSON
                   (holding the weapon)
             Ohhh, she's a beauty.

Hanson checks out the weapon like a seasoned vet.
                          
                          HANSON
                   (smiling to himself)
             Laser-guided laws twenty-seven MP.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             What's the MP stand for?
                          
                          HANSON
             Maximum power.
                          
                          WALLY
             What are you?  The resident expert?
                          
                          HANSON
             Nahhh, more like a consultant.  I'm
             just here to make sure you're not
             selling these boys some cheap
             imitation.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             So is this shit genuine?
                          
                          HANSON
             Oh, yeah.  Made in the US of A.
                   (arming the weapon)
             You'll definitely outclass the
             competition.

Hanson aims the laser sights at Wally's forehead.
                          
                          WALLY
             So we got a deal?

Hanson looks at Jamaal and nods approval of the weapons.  Jamaal
smiles and signals to his men.  The Gang Bangers draw down their
weapons and unload the crate.
                          
                          WALLY
             There's plenty more where this came
             from.

Hanson tosses the missile launcher to the Gang Banger closest to
him.  The Gang Banger is startled and treats the weapon like
nitro.
                          
                          HANSON
                   (laughing)
             Don't worry.  You could drop this
             thing from twenty feet and it wouldn't
             go off until you arm the warhead,
                   (pushes a switch on the
                    Gang Banger's launcher)
             like this.

Jamaal, Wally, and even Retro are a little concerned about the
armed device.  The Gang Banger looks nervous with his hands full
of so much fire power.
                          
                          WALLY
             I wouldn't do that if I were you.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             Say man...

Before Jamaal can finish his sentence, Hanson pulls the Gang
Banger's automatic from his belt and SHOOTS him.
                          
                          JAMAAL
             What the...

Jamaal is next as Hanson BLASTS him.

The three remaining Gang Bangers loading the rocket launchers in
the van are shocked and start SHOOTING.  Hanson dives for cover as
Retro gets hit in the cross fire.  Wally crouches behind the
crate.
                          
                          WALLY
             All units move in.  One white male
             heading out the back, three black
             males have me pinned down in the
             loading dock...

Wally stops short as a Gang Banger rounds the corner and gets the
drop on the undercover officer.
                          
                          GANG BANGER
             You're a fucking pig.

The Gang Banger is about to shoot when his chest erupts in a hail
of gunfire from above.

Mike slides down a rope and FIRES simultaneously at the Gang
Bangers.

The two remaining Gang Bangers dive for cover as Mike's bullets
impact all around them.

Mike hits the ground and rolls over to Wally.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             You okay?
                          
                          WALLY
             Yeah.  The white guy disappeared into
             the warehouse.

Suddenly the van REVS UP.

Mike pops up and BLASTS the driver.  The last Gang Banger is
trying to open the garage door.  Mike FIRES at him but misses.
The Gang Banger returns fire with a pump shotgun before
disappearing into the warehouse.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             All units, seal the exits to the
             warehouse.
                   (to Wally)
             You up for this?
                          
                          WALLY
             Sure, I already peed in my pants.

The two law officers enter the warehouse.

INT.  WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

Mike and Wally split up and prowl through the stacks of fertilizer
bags.  A METAL CRASHING noise is heard.

Wally heads down an aisle of fertilizer bags while Mike searches
for the source of the metal noise.

A nervous Gang Banger creeps down another aisle.  Suddenly, Wally
and the last Gang Banger come head to head.
                          
                          WALLY
             Freeze, poli...shit!

The Gang Banger BLASTS at Wally narrowly missing him as he dives
for cover down an aisle.

Wally scrambles to his feet and flees down the aisle.  The Gang
Banger appears behind him at the far end and starts BLASTING away.
Sacks of fertilizer open up all around Wally as he runs past the
spilling shit.  The Gang Banger runs after Wally.  He rounds the
corner only to find Wally kneeling on one knee waiting.  BLAM
BLAM, Wally fires point blank sending the Gang Banger flying back.

Mike cautiously searches the rear of the warehouse.  He finds a
metal grate that has been removed from a service duct-way leading
down to the sewer system.  He peeks over the edge hoping that
someone won't blow his head off from within the dark tunnel.
Suddenly, he is grabbed from behind and a gun is stuck in his
throat.
                          
                          HANSON
             Give me an excuse, dickweed.

Mike reluctantly drops his gun down the sewer hole.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             I'm a cop.  You're under arrest.
                          
                          HANSON
             Yeah, right.  Where's your badge,
             Kojak.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             In my jacket.

Wally rounds the corner and stops dead when he sees his partner
being held by Hanson.
                          
                          HANSON
             That's far enough.  Lose the gun or
             your buddy gets it.

Wally thinks about it.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Fuck that shit, Wally, blow this guy
             off of me.
                          
                          HANSON
                   (to Mike)
             Oh, you're a real lethal weapon aren't
             you.
                   (cocking his gun)
             Think about it.

Wally puts his gun down.
                          
                          HANSON
             Bad move, gun runner.

Hanson quickly SHOOTS Wally and places the gun back up against
Mike's head.
                          
                          HANSON
             So much for Disney Land.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             You bastard!

Hanson pulls the trigger, and the gun is out of bullets.
                          
                          HANSON
             Shit!

Before Mike can react, Hanson knocks Mike out with the gun.
Hanson then climbs down the service duct.  He stops when he sees
something shiny under Mike's jacket.  He flips over Mikes lapel
and sees his badge.
                          
                          HANSON
                   (laughing)
             Son of a bitch.  You are a cop!

Hanson disappears into the service duct his OBNOXIOUS LAUGH
echoing off the sewer walls.
                                             
                                             DISSOLVE TO:

EXT.  PARKING LOT - DAY

The bad memory has left Mike in a daze.  He watches as several
vans and cars pull out of the parking lot taking the Buckskinners
and possibly a cop killer with them.  The spell is broken when
Linda shoves a gym bag at him.
                          
                          LINDA
             He's all yours.
                   (serious)
             Get in the car, boys.

Gordy, who was playing with his boys, sees the concerned look on
his partner's face.
                          
                          GORDY
             Hey, pal, what's up?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Nothing.  Chief wants to see us.

INT/EXT. MIKE'S CAR - ROAD TO TOPLESS JOINT - DAY

Gordy, in the back seat, is in the process of changing out of his
buckskins and into street clothes he pulls from the gym bag.  Mike
drives and sprays some mouth wash to try and cover the horrendous
smell coming from the dirty buckskins.
                          
                          GORDY
             So what's the big deal, why couldn't
             this wait until Monday?

Mike spritzes some more.
                          
                          GORDY
             Hey.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Are you done yet?
                          
                          GORDY
             Just about.  If the smell bothers you
             that much roll down a window.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             The wind will mess up my hair.
                          
                          GORDY
             Oh, yeah.  How thoughtless of me.

Gordy throws his tennis shoes in the front seat, further upsetting
Mike.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Hey, you're going to get my seat
             dirty.
                          
                          GORDY
                   (whining)
             Ohhhhh, I hate it when that happens.

Gordy climbs over the seat.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
                   (pissy)
             Careful.
                          
                          GORDY
             What is with you?

There is a tense moment of silence.  Obviously these guys have
been partners long enough to act married.  Gordy knows the only
way to diffuse the situation is for it to reach critical mass.  He
takes out a tin of skoal.
                          
                          GORDY
             Mind if I dip?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             What do you think?
                          
                          GORDY
             Come on, just a pinch between the
             cheek and gum.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             No.

Gordy grabs Mike's travel mug off the dash.
                          
                          GORDY
             Here, I'll just spit in here.  You
             don't mind, do you?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
                   (realizing his foul
                    mood)
             All right, already!

The two partners laugh.
                          
                          GORDY
             What's the matter, man?  What's
             bugging you?

The memory of Wally is still painful to Mike.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Ah, something reminded me of Wally.
                          
                          GORDY
             Your old partner?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Yeah...
                          
                          GORDY
             Come on, Mike, it's been two years.
             Ain't no sense in you beating yourself
             up all over again.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Yeah, you're right.  Skip it.  What's
             the deal with you and Linda?
                          
                          GORDY
             Ohhhh!  Can you say vasectomy?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             No shit.  Going to get yourself
             neutered?
                          
                          GORDY
                   (shaking his head)
             I don't know.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Neutered like a dog.
                          
                          GORDY
             What do you think?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             I hear it's pretty painful.
                          
                          GORDY
             I don't want to hear that.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             What'd you expect?
                          
                          GORDY
             I was hoping for a safe, easy and
             painless surgical procedure.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Sure, you can do it that way... if
             you're a pussy.
                          
                          GORDY
             A pussy?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Real man would take his gun out and
             blow his own balls off, not let some
             sissy surgeon play testicles tag.
                          
                          GORDY
             Real man?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Yeah.
                          
                          GORDY
             Is that what you are?  A real man?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Don't you forget it.

Despite their individual quirks these two guys are obviously very
good friends.

INT.  TOPLESS JOINT - DAY

Mike's car pulls into the parking lot and stops.
                          
                          GORDY (V.O.)
             Gee, I have been gone a long time.
             Headquarters looks just like a titty
             bar now.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY (V.O.)
             Something's up.  First, Chief calls us
             in on a Sunday, and then he wants to
             meet us here instead of the station.

Mike and Gordy get out of the car.
                          
                          GORDY
             He's just lonely.  Besides, he likes
             us.  We're a lot of fun.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             No, you're a lot of fun.
                          
                          GORDY
             And you're a real man.

INT.  TOPLESS JOINT - DAY

Topless dancers strut their stuff as Mike and Gordy strain to see
in the darkened night club.  Mike finally spots the chief and
heads off in his direction.  Gordy turns to follow, but trips over
a lap dancer and then stumbles into some guy in a suit.

Gordy looks up and sees Mike standing next to him with the Chief.
                          
                          CHIEF
             Hi, Gordy.  I see you've met agent
             Lewis with the ATF.

Gordy looks at the guy on the floor next to him.  Agent Lewis is
dressed in a suit covered with white stuff.
                          
                          LEWIS
             You've spilt my velvet hammer.

Gordy takes a finger and samples the ice cream drink off of Lewis'
suit.
                          
                          GORDY
             Hmmm.  Tasty.

INT.  TOPLESS JOINT - TABLE - DAY

Chief, Mike, Gordy, and Lewis are sitting in booth while a group
of men close to them are getting one hell of a table dance.  Gordy
and Lewis each sip tall white ice cream-based drinks known as
velvet hammers.
                          
                          CHIEF
             Sorry I had to ruin your weekend boys
             but some of agent Lewis' friends over
             at the department of Alcohol, Tobacco,
             and Firearms feel you might be able to
             assist them in a case they're building
             against Lucas Caller.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Who, the religious nut?
                          
                          CHIEF
             Church of Solomon.  The king of
             Armageddon himself.  Agent Lewis will
             give you an update.  I got to take a
             piss.

The chief scoots out of the booth and heads for the bathroom.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Two weeks ago, Caller was arrested in
             Colorado for trying to purchase a
             shipment of fully automatic assault
             rifles.
                          
                          GORDY
             What's he want with the fire power.
                          
                          LEWIS
             These religious nuts all think the
             world is going to end tomorrow so they
             arm themselves to the teeth and wait
             for Judgement Day.  Frankly, they're
             giving guns a bad name.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Anyway, you got Caller in custody.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Not quite.  He made bail two days ago
             and fled the state.  We think he may
             be in Texas.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Why?

Lewis pulls a long bullet from his pocket.
                          
                          GORDY
             Thirty-aught-six.
                          
                          LEWIS
             That's what we thought.  We
             confiscated a thousand rounds when we
             arrested Caller.
                          
                          GORDY
             What are they?
                          
                          LEWIS
             Thirty-three caliber.  With an armor
             piercing Teflon coated head and magnum
             charge.  Custom made.  Fits only one
             type of gun, an Israeli made Markada
             seven.
                          
                          GORDY
             Markada?  What is it, a composite gun?
                          
                          LEWIS
             Exactly.  Virtually undetectable, even
             through a metal detector.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Assassin's delight.
                          
                          GORDY
             So you think these guns are in Texas?
                          
                          LEWIS
             Don't know.  We believe however that
             the bullets were made here by one Carl
             Ledbetter.  Know him?
                          
                          GORDY
                   (rolling his eyes)
             Carl.  Yeah, I know him.

INT.  TOPLESS JOINT - BACK ROOM - DAY

The chief is listening over a pair of headphones while another man
records the conversation.
                          
                          LEWIS (V.O.)
             Friend of yours?
                          
                          GORDY (V.O.)
             Sort of.
                          
                          LEWIS (V.O.)
             Can you take me to him?
                          
                          GORDY (V.O.)
             I just left him.
                   (thinks about it)
             Yeah, I'll take you to him.
                          
                          CHIEF
             Son of a bitch.

INT/EXT.  MIKE'S CAR - ROAD TO CARL'S PLACE - DAY

Mike and Gordy are in the front seat while Lewis rides in back.
Lewis notices a foul odor.
                          
                          LEWIS
             How do you know Carl Ledbetter,
             Gordon?
                          
                          GORDY
             We both belong to this Reenactment
             Club.
                          
                          LEWIS
             A what?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             It's like a bunch of cross dressers
             but instead of women's clothes they
             dress up like Grizzly Adams and
             pretend they're Daniel Boone.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Really?
                          
                          GORDY
             Really.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Say, Mike, do you mind if I roll down
             a window?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Yes.

EXT.  LEDBETTER'S HOUSE - DAY

Mike parks in front of the typical lower-middle class suburban
house.

Carl greets the three law officers at the door and invites them
in.
                          
                          CARL
             Gordy, how the hell are you?  Long
             time no see.

INT.  LEDBETTER'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Carl ushers Mike, Gordy, and Lewis into what can only be described
as Coca-Cola heaven.  Everywhere is coke paraphernalia, from signs
to antique bottles.
                          
                          CARL
             Can I get you guys anything to drink?
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             How about a Pepsi?
                          
                          GORDY
             Dr. Pepper.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Tab, if you got it?
                          
                          CARL
             Sorry guys, only Coke products.
                          
                          GORDY
             Oh, never mind.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Skip it.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Nutrasweet gives me a headache.

Carl is a little disappointed.
                          
                          CARL
             So, what's up?
                          
                          GORDY
             Carl, you're still making custom ammo
             for people aren't you?
                          
                          CARL
             Sure.  What'd you need?
                          
                          GORDY
                   (handing him the bullet)
             Did you make this?
                          
                          CARL
             Thirty-aught-six.  What for?  It's
             cheaper to buy them in wholesale lots.
                          
                          GORDY
             That's a thirty-three caliber, custom
             made.

Carl looks at the bullet and smiles.
                          
                          CARL
             A what?  Gordy, it's a thirty-aught-
             six.

Carl tosses the bullet back to Gordy who turns towards Lewis with
a confused look on his face.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Mr. Ledbetter, your gun dealer's
             license lists your address as 203 Elm
             street.
                          
                          CARL
             Yeah, that's my ex-wife's address.
                          
                          LEWIS
             The house is vacant, Mr. Ledbetter.
                          
                          CARL
                   (getting nervous)
             She must have moved.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Are you aware that in order to
             maintain your license you must have a
             current address of business?
                          
                          CARL
             Yeah, well, I'm a little behind in my
             paper work on that.
                          
                          LEWIS
             It makes it very difficult to find
             you.

Carl looks very nervous.
                          
                          GORDY
                   (half joking)
             You running from the bill collector,
             Carl?
                          
                          LEWIS
             Do you know a Charles Ray Foster?
                          
                          CARL
                   (shaking his head)
             No...
                          
                          LEWIS
             Billy Kaddo?

Carl is silent.  Mike and Gordy are a little lost at where Lewis'
is heading with this interrogation.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Cyrus O'Donnell?
             Max Corrin?

Carl is really sweating bullets.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Are you or have you ever been a member
             of the Church of Solomon?

Carl maneuvers around the bar and starts to mix himself a drink.
                          
                          CARL
             Church of Solomon?  Why does everyone
             have a sudden interest in Lucas
             Caller?  First Hanson and now you
             guys.
                          
                          GORDY
             Hanson?  The guy we met this weekend
             with the weird laugh?

Mike perks up when he hears this.
                          
                          CARL
             Yeah, someone must have told him I
             used to be a member.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Are you, Mr. Ledbetter?  Are you still
             a member?

Carl smiles wickedly at agent Lewis.
                          
                          CARL
             Well you know what they say.  Once a
             member, always a member.

Carl makes a sudden move beneath the bar but before he can react,
Agent Lewis, who evidently had already palmed his gun, SHOOTS Carl
repeatedly in the chest.  

Gordy and Mike jump to their feet in shock.  Mike pulls his gun and points it at Lewis.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             What the hell are you doing?

Lewis looks over his shoulder at Mike.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Going to shoot me in the back, LaRoy?

Gordy has rushed over to Carl who is dead.  He sees that Carl has
a 9mm semi-automatic in his hand.

Smiling, Lewis holsters his weapon.

EXT.  LEDBETTER'S HOUSE - LATER

A gurney takes away Carl's body.  Mike and Gordy talk to the Chief
by the street curb, while Agent Lewis is conferring with a few
other ATF agents near the garage.  One of the agents, SPARKS, a
dark, forbidding man, talks on a cellular phone.
                          
                          SPARKS
                   (on the phone)
             Just a minute.
                          
                          LEWIS
                   (to the other agents)
             There's a whole bunch of files in the
             garage I want cross referenced against
             our list of...
                          
                          SPARKS
                   (to  Lewis)
             Excuse me, sir.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Is that Kingsley?
                          
                          SPARKS
             Yes, sir.

Lewis takes the phone as the other agents retreat to the garage.
                          
                          LEWIS
             Hello?
             Lousy.  He's dead.
             Shit happens.
             Listen, he mentioned a guy named
             Hanson...
                   (sarcastic)
             Oh, that's just great.
             What the hell am I doing here?
             Some organization.  This is no way to
             run a railroad, pal.

The Chief, Gordy, and Mike watch Lewis as he throws the cellular
phone on the ground and stalks off into the garage.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             That's a real piece of work you set us
             up with, Chief.  What's next, baton
             practice on drunk drivers?
                          
                          CHIEF
             Look, LaRoy, I'm a little in the dark
             on this one as well.  Just get your
             reports to me first thing tomorrow
             morning.

The Chief walks over to agent Lewis by the garage.
                          
                          GORDY
             Hell of a way to end a weekend.

The two cops start to get into Mike's car.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Come on, I'll take you home.  You can
             tell me about this 'Hanson' guy on the
             way.
                          
                          GORDY
             You mean the guy who laughs like
             this...
                   (imitates obnoxious
                    laugh)

To Mike, the LAUGH is like fingernails scraping across a chalk
board.
                          
                          MIKE LAROY
             Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.  Now
             don't do that anymore, okay?
                                
                            


Well that's it for the first act.   Our two detectives have to figure out who they can trust as they track down the man who saved Gordy's life and killed LaRoy's old partner.  If you're interested in knowing what happens next or you have any comments please shoot me an e-mail.

And thanks for reading.